Coronavirus Diaries: Week Seventeen

June 20

We went to the beach today. We went early, because I was nervous about parking and crowds. But when we got there, there was no line and there were plenty of spaces. Amelia immediately ran down to the water, which was freezing, but she didn’t care in the least. She splashed and made me carry her to where it was deep and threw wet sand clumps into the waves. Though she shivered and we told her it was time to get out, she refused. She is so my daughter.

There were so many boats in the channel. Everyone wanted to get out on the lake. Though there were people everywhere, no one wore masks. It was safe to not wear a mask outside, or so we had been told. But when we were dry and packed everything up, Amelia wanted to play on the playground before we left. So she climbed and she slid and she ran amongst the company of children who were strangers, children whose families’ lifestyles and political beliefs were unknown to us.

But we were outside, so we were safe, right?

June 22

I’ve been having a bit of a back-and-forth with a friend of mine who thinks we’re being reckless in the time of Covid. She could hardly believe I went to get a massage or went to a restaurant. What was I thinking, exposing my mouth to others while inside (my words, not hers)?

I get where she’s coming from. No, being indoors with strangers isn’t very safe. Being indoors with strangers without my mask on (like when I got a massage or when I ate my food) is even worse. It does look bad from someone who is being especially cautious.

I thought I WAS being especially cautious. Like I’ve repeated multiple times, it FELT safe. I was content with the precautions that had been made to keep people healthy. But was I safe, really? Hell if I know.

Part of me thinks we need to keep living our lives. We can’t stay holed up forever. That’s what we say when the snow and ice make driving treacherous in Michigan winters. Going out could be potentially hazardous to our health, but we can’t hide scared in the house for three months.

Or maybe we could. Maybe we just don’t want to?

June 24

Our second week of curbside service at the library, and things haven’t really slowed down. Still getting in all my steps while at work. It has been emotionally and physically exhausting.

Usually, when the library is open, there can be a good amount of downtime, time where I’m sitting at a desk waiting to be asked questions. In that time, I often write emails or research for a piece of writing I’m doing or even proofread things I’ve written. But right now there are no desk shifts. And there is no downtime.

Before I was back at the library, when Chris finished working for the day, we’d basically swap places. He’d come out and watch Amelia, and I’d go in the office and work. But now I go to the library in the evening. And I don’t have any time to get any work done. And by work, I mean writing.

I keep setting my alarm for early, thinking if I could only convince myself to get up before everyone, I could get a good hour of writing in. But I keep turning off that alarm and going back to sleep.

I don’t have the luxury to prioritize writing right now.